SuHaiDaH ~~

Planning to go to the doctor tomorrow. gonna do something about my right thumb and index finger finally. there's like a skin infection there. I don't know what's it called but yeah.. if you put too much pressure or whatever, it stings a little. and i will go to the doctor tomorrow to get it fixed. the thing is, i'm just afraid it hurts and i don't have anyone there to hold on to. my dad is working, my bro is schooling. my mum has to get my sister ready for school. my friends.. well, some are working, some are sleeping. some are schooling. the fact is, i really wanna ask this guy out to accompany me. but i'm afraid. don't know whether he likes me or not. i mean, will there be anyone who will like me? anyway yeah, kinda envious of my friends, they have like somebody there to accompany them. but i don't. even abbie has someone to accompany him. i think. should be la. but i don't. sigh... i'm just afraid that it'll hurt bad and no ine is there ...

Look at me through my eyes And feel the pain I hide inside All I hear are goodbyes Will someone ever be by my side? The mirror it tells About who I really am Girl lost without love I suck at poetry!! Haha! anyway, I am finally reading FIFTY SHADES OF GREY !!! HAHA! finally, man! bought 2 days ago. almost finished reading the first book. a few more pages to go. Man, there's a lot of sex going on! Christian is described as a fuckingly gorgeous bitch ass crazy control freak shit whacked nut job. Anastasia (lovely name) is not so innocent like a virgin she used to be. She is persistent and has the courage of the world. Very eager and very beautiful. Life is full of surprises and unexpectedness. You have no idea what is going to happen when its going to happen. Whatever Christian had with those 15 other girls he's been with, he has never had a girl like Ana before. She totally took him by surprise. Maybe he's fifty shades of fucked up then after Mrs. R. Bu...

almost 19. i have probably 70 ahead in my life. wait. its all that i am capable to do now. wait.

Its hard. You want to please people but sometimes, maybe most times, you'd go around unnoticed. And all you do is just suck it in. People say shit things, do shit things to me, smile. Smile, I've got nothing to lose. SMILE. That's how I get through my days. Don't do shit to others. Just smile. It gives me a little bit of hope. It always does. Makes me think that eventually, I'll be alright. Forgive. That's right. And sometimes, forget. I'm like a plastic bag with holes. You fill me with water and at the same time, I'm getting rid of them as well. Some people don't do that. They don't have holes. Once it's full, they'll just spill out everything. I'm never full. But if things keep coming to me very fast, I just might. I hope that won't happen though. Only my best friends, old friends know who I really am. I ain't so tough, so rugged. Not really. I ain't those with certain people. I am in fact gentle, very loving. (:  Its b...

Fuck this shit. Poly life.. Is like... DAMN! What the fuck happened to me? Influential friends. DAMN IT!  In secondary school, I've never had to hide myself so much. Why now? Bitch, it ain't you. Let go of all the things screwing your mind man! Pleasing a bunch of people is tough now. Man, I don't have to actually TRY to please people in secondary school.. Well, at least people from my clique. It's insane how things change for me. FUCKING INSANE. The things I do which makes my mind fucked. Now I'm wearing things I swear to myself that I'll never wear. Do things because of people. My mind is totally screwed. I shouldn't blame my friends for this. Should blame myself for actually listening. FUCK ME!

He is a fucking pain in the ass to be around with! He's one hell of a nut job!! Haha! But I love him nevertheless. I am most vulgar with him and him with me too. I am most me with him I think. The most me. The one who doesn't care what she wears as long as it is presentable to where I'm going or what event I am attending. The one who kick asses every time! The one who doesn't care to be recognized. The one who will smack faces of girls staring at me. Anyway, I love him too damn much to ever forget he is EVERY FUCKING WORTH A FRIEND! (:

What's the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable? So, in my pocket list, I added: Jumping off a cliff! (: