Being too nice has a flaw
I can't help but feel like I owe people. Whenever people ask me for favours I just tell them okay because I feel like I owe them at least them.
But I can't help to feel like if I have something I need to ask from them, they'll simply say no. Even if I put the needs of others before my own. Well, they don't know that. They don't know what I've sacrificed to help them. They don't know how much they mean to me. They don't know I've suffered (a little) just so I could help them. To them, I help them because they think it won't backfire on me. So they could say no if I ask them for help. Which is why I don't ask for help. Personal help.
Money. I don't have lots of money. I earned to save for school. I've lost so much and one 1 person knows about this. I've lost so much I feel miserable. My parents are helping me so much but I feel like I couldn't ever repay them back. But whenever my friends ask me for help on this, I just help. No second guesses. No hesitation. Even if they don't ask for help but I know they couldn't afford it and I know that if I help them, I would even be able to afford myself, I would offer that help.
For the first time after getting a job, I asked my mum for some money to help me through the week before my pay comes. That feels like shit. But somehow, I don't feel bad. I don't know. Is that wrong?
Being nice, helpful, kind is one of the things that I don't show people often. I show people the side of me that doesn't bloody care. I show people the side of me that will make them question whether I am indeed a good person. Every sentence that I say, some filthy words will be used. Only to certain people at certain points of time will I show the good side of me. But NEVER show anyone the vulnerable side of me.
People say I'm heartless and emotionless, which I admit that I am sometimes. Whenever my friends show their vulnerable self, I care for them but I don't know what to do or say. As a straight forward person, I tell them what they need to hear. Not what they want to hear. That, unfortunately, is probably when people think that I'm a jerk. I have an EQ of probably close to 0. So whenever people tell me their problems, I just listen and don't speak. Which probably made people think I'm heartless and emotionless and also a good listener.
Being almost 22, I don't even know myself. Confused about who I really am. A nice person or just an asshole. Being nice really has its flaws. So does being an ass.
I like being a nice person. But at the same time I just can't help feeling that people will not notice that side of me even if I show it to them. I'm an ass too often I think it drowns out all the 'niceness' out of me.
Smile always,
Suhaidah
But I can't help to feel like if I have something I need to ask from them, they'll simply say no. Even if I put the needs of others before my own. Well, they don't know that. They don't know what I've sacrificed to help them. They don't know how much they mean to me. They don't know I've suffered (a little) just so I could help them. To them, I help them because they think it won't backfire on me. So they could say no if I ask them for help. Which is why I don't ask for help. Personal help.
Money. I don't have lots of money. I earned to save for school. I've lost so much and one 1 person knows about this. I've lost so much I feel miserable. My parents are helping me so much but I feel like I couldn't ever repay them back. But whenever my friends ask me for help on this, I just help. No second guesses. No hesitation. Even if they don't ask for help but I know they couldn't afford it and I know that if I help them, I would even be able to afford myself, I would offer that help.
For the first time after getting a job, I asked my mum for some money to help me through the week before my pay comes. That feels like shit. But somehow, I don't feel bad. I don't know. Is that wrong?
Being nice, helpful, kind is one of the things that I don't show people often. I show people the side of me that doesn't bloody care. I show people the side of me that will make them question whether I am indeed a good person. Every sentence that I say, some filthy words will be used. Only to certain people at certain points of time will I show the good side of me. But NEVER show anyone the vulnerable side of me.
People say I'm heartless and emotionless, which I admit that I am sometimes. Whenever my friends show their vulnerable self, I care for them but I don't know what to do or say. As a straight forward person, I tell them what they need to hear. Not what they want to hear. That, unfortunately, is probably when people think that I'm a jerk. I have an EQ of probably close to 0. So whenever people tell me their problems, I just listen and don't speak. Which probably made people think I'm heartless and emotionless and also a good listener.
Being almost 22, I don't even know myself. Confused about who I really am. A nice person or just an asshole. Being nice really has its flaws. So does being an ass.
I like being a nice person. But at the same time I just can't help feeling that people will not notice that side of me even if I show it to them. I'm an ass too often I think it drowns out all the 'niceness' out of me.
Smile always,
Suhaidah
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